I memang camni.

Nyah, i nak cerita sikit.
Last week i kira gaduh besar la dengan sorang kawan ni.
Walaupun umur dah besar tapi suka gado-gado eh?
Benci la nyah.

Bukan i suka gado pun. 
Lagi la dengan kawan lama.
Cuma i ni jenis tak suka orang gedik dan demand lebih2 kat I.
Dia rasa i pentingkan diri sendiri.

Betul kot. I memang pentingkan diri sendiri dari dulu.
Sebab nyah, i jenis tau ape i nak..bila ade peluang, i akan buat.
I tak tunggu orang. Kalau orang nak ikut, why not..lets go!
Tapi kalau orang tu happens tak dapat ikut, too bad.

Tak tahulah i yang minah ni marah sebab i tak tunggu dia.
Tapi i bole terima la dia marah, jadi i mintak maaf tak dapat nak tunggu dia.
Dia kata ok.
Jadi kami pun kawan macam biasa semula.

Lepas beberapa lama,
Ade satu krisis.
I dengan minah tadi rancang nak buat satu program ni,
kami share duit ramai-ramai la.
I pakai duit i dulu bayar advance.

Skali kan nyah..minah ni cancel tanak join.
I marah la.
Oiii..i kena bayar part dia la kan!!
Geram.
Lepas tu, i tanak cakap dengan dia.
Merajuk lah.
Haha.

Ok bla bla gossip panjang la pulak.
Dia bagitau i, dia tak pegi sebab nak balas dendam kes i tak tunggu dia tu.
Yang mana? Pegi baca balik kat atas.
Minah ni nak i rasa perasaan bila orang mula2 nak join, sekali tak jadi.

Hmm. I hangin la.
Daripada hangin 80% sebab dia back off,  uppp sket jadi 120% no turning back.
Kalau nak balas dendam pun nyah, biarla yang tidak melibatkan duit.
Ini sudah tidak adil.
Lagi pun..balas dendam dekat member sendiri?? biar betul.

Jadi, beginilah.
I rasa kena bagitau u ols semua.

I ni the sort of person who knows what i want, and i always find a way to get it..i tak tunggu orang tolong or harapkan sesiapa. I dont trust others as much as i trust myself and my family. Dan i tak takkan kacau orang, kalau orang tak kacau i.

Tapi generally, kalau orang baik dengan i..i baik la dengan dia.
Kalau dia fire2 i, i flying kick aa. Ooops. haha

Dulu masa muda2, memang la kawan tu penting sangat.
Tapi bila i dah tua (sikit) ni nyah..priority dah berubah.
Ape2 pun, i tak akan kawan lebih2 sangat.
Yang i fikir lebih2 selain diri sendiri, adalah family dan masa depan nanti suami i.
Lepas deret2 tu, baru giliran kawan2.
Ok?

Jadi, di masa akan datang..janganlah sesiapa harapkan i untuk korbankan sesuatu peluang yang datang depan mata hanya sebab you tak dapat, jd kena tunggu you. Kita kan dah janji buat sama2..

Pengajaran untuk i pulak, i takkan ajak orang untuk buat apa2 yang i suka.
Sebab sesetengah orang akan take it too seriously dan menyangka it is my obligation to make sure dia dapat buat jugak benda tu sebab i dah janji dulu nak buat sama2.

Contoh..

I janji dengan you, nak pergi konsert maher zain.. (ya aa auww)
Maher zain tauu!! bukan selalu dia datang Malaysia.
Ntah bila lagi dia nak datang...

Kita pun dah happy untuk pegi sama2.
Skali, bila time abang maher datang..you kena keje.
You jangan ingat i tak pegi sebab you kena keje pulak!
I minat maher zainnnn tau!!!
Jadi i kena selfish! ish ish
I akan pegi jugak..

Anyway, nyah.
Walaupun hubungan i ngan minah tu dah punah.
Tapi i takde dendam, marah or ape2 dengan dia la.
Cuma nak jadi kawan macam dulu memang tak bole.
Sebab dalam kepala dia ade konsep balas dendam.
Dia jenis tak marah depan-depan.
Tapi bila ade peluang, dia akan get even without kita knowing.

Ape kes tu nyah?? Gile ke u!!
Takut la i nak terus kawan dengan dia.

Kesimpulannya, hati manusia ni lain2.
Kita berkawan biarla berpada2.
Jangan harap kat kawan kita lebih2, 
Sebab tu minah tu kecewa..
Sebab dia harapkan i untuk tunggu dia..
Hmm.
Taktau la pulak kena camtu.

Pergi toilet kena teman?
Walaupun i penah janji nak pegi toilet dengan you,
Tapi kena pulak time i dah tak tahan..time tu pulak you tengah kuiz.

Hehe.
Jahat ke i?
Kalau jahat, jangan kawan dengan i laah.
Dalam friENDship ade perkataan END
I pun tanak kawan dengan u, nyah.

Susah lah you ni.

Yang benar,
Aisha's Alter Ego

Disclaimer: this is not her all the time

How Aspiration Finds Me.

For a few times in my life, I’m now doing things that I’m passionate about. For starters, I’m so glad I’m over the 'Darn, what do I do when I become an Engineer? those machines are going to get seriously misused'.

Taking pure science was by force of nature and surroundings. Enrolling into Biotech was merely confusion from the G that we need 50 gazillion biotech scientists in the near future and graduating with Biochemical Engineering was me going with the flow. Although Biochemical Engineering was not that bad, it’s just not really me.

One way or another, I’m thankful that my background in biotech was actually my stepping stone of finding my true passionate ambition. It got me enrolling myself into Biotechnology Entrepreneurship Training Program (BeST Program 4^th Batch) by Biotech Corp right after I graduated. The program really opened my eyes that I don’t have to become an engineer just because I have an engineering degree, but still wanting to be part of the industry.

After completing the 3 months all expenses paid+allowance course, I was offered an internship with Biotech Corp under the Strategy and Planning Department. After 2 months, I got an offer to work permanently with a biopharmaceutical contract manufacturer. The position is Business Analyst with the Office of Strategy Management department. The rest is yet an unwritten history.

I have been questioning myself what the hell am I doing with my life for the longest time. Clueless people like me (then) should take easier undergraduate courses but instead I’m doing a course that requires me to take 6 levels of crazy-to-the-core mathematics, in-depth knowledge of physics, various computer analysis subjects and at one point, I remember having to draw and assemble a group of tools, bolts and nuts into something that looked like a very complex cloth hanger.

After a few months into the job, my predicament suddenly became self-explanatory. It all makes sense and I finally can see the jigsaw puzzle. The pieces are everywhere, facing up and down, most the spaces are still unoccupied but at least I know really well what I’m doing, how to do it and what I should do next.

Anyway, now I’m doing my MBA on a part time basis. Of course, specializing in Strategic Management. I really enjoy learning the subjects. Going to classes on weekdays is a bit of a hassle. You got tired and fed up once in a while but the passion kept you going. This semester I’m taking Managerial Finance and Management Policy and Corporate Strategy.

Still too early into the new semester for reality check but I’m planning to score in both, not settling with anything less than A-.

InsyaAllah.

Dalamnya erti persahabatan

Nak minta maaf bukan senang, lebih-lebih lagi bila kita rasa bukan semua  salah kita. Tapi itulah cabaran nak kekalkan persahabatan. Siapa yang tak nak berkawan selama-lamanya. Tapi, banyak faktor lain akan menduga. Isu kepercayaan, cakap belakang, duit pun kadang-kadang boleh jadi sebab perbalahan.

Benda yang dah terjadi tak perlu nak diungkit. Persahabatan yang dah terkubur, biarlah lenyap dalam hati dan fikiran. Tiada dendam ataupun perasaan benci cuma hati manusia ni takkan semudah itu menerima seseorang untuk kali kedua. Mulalah persahabatan lain dengan doa dan harapan ianya akan jadi lebih baik dari sebelumnya. Jadikan yang dulu sebagai pengajaran.

Dalam Islam, kasih sayang dalam bersahabat tu ade tempat yang tersendiri dan istimewa. Ade satu hadith tu cakap “tidak sempurna iman salah seorang diantara kamu sebelum ia mencintai sahabatnya seperti dia mencintai diri sendiri”.

Tapi, itu situasi ideal. Dan sahabat macam tu mungkin satu dalam lima ratus. Jangan terburu-buru sayang pada sahabat sebab susah macam mana kita cuba menjaga hati orang, tak semestinya orang bersusah payah akan jaga hati kita.

Pokok pangkal nye, balik pada Al-Quran dan hadith. Macam mana nak cari kawan dan macam mana nak selesaikan perbalahan.

Saya terbaca satu artikel, “Cara bergaduh dalam Islam”. Bunyi macam kelakar tapi Islam memang lengkap. Cara nak bergaduh pun ade diterangkan.

Pergaduhan yang diceritakan adalah antara Saidina Ali dengan pihak yang diketuai Muawwiyah Abi Sufian dan Saidatina Aisyah. Mereka bergaduh atas salah faham tentang pembelaan atas kematian Saidina Uthman yang dibunuh oleh orang Islam ketika beliau sedang membaca Al-Quran dirumahnya.

Panjang cerita kisah ni. Siapa yang berminat, bolehla google untuk tahu lebih lanjut. Indah persahabatan dalam Islam, subhanallah.

Semua yang terjadi ada hikmahnya. Susah untuk saya menahan ego dan marah bila ucapan maaf yang saya harapkan tak pernah kunjung tiba. Mungkin saya tidak penting dalam hidup dia, cuma saya yang anggap dia penting. Takpe, saya redha. Saya dah banyak belajar. Lepas ni, InsyaAllah persahabatan yang terbina adalah lebih suci dan ikhlas.

"Saya pernah 2 kali bermimpi saya mati. Dua kali tu..roh saya macam tergantung, bila saya tanya, kenapa aku tersekat tidak mampu ke mana2?" Ada suara yang cakap "kau tak minta maaf kepada orang yang kau umpatkan..”

"Ya Allah ya Tuhan kami kau jadikanlah persahabatan kami ini hanyalah semata-mata keranaMu, bukan kerana nafsu semata-mata atau kebohongan dari pandangan mata kami sendiri ya Allah. Kau jadikanlah persahabatan kami ini Ya Allah sebagai jalan untuk berpesan-pesan kepada kebaikan dan keburukan"

May Allah purify my heart and guided me in starting over.

Amin.

You don't make any sense, but me neither.

Continuation from this post.
From Far's blog about Taqbur and Riya':

1. When he thinks/feels that he has a higher knowledge than other people

2. When he thinks/feels that he comes from a 'good' ancestry e.g royal family, syed/syarifah etc

3.  When he thinks/feels that he has better looks than the others

4. When he thinks/feels that he is better in terms of the ibadah that he has done

5. When he thinks/feels that he is richer than the other people

6. When he holds high position in the company or community

7.  When he has the physical power and strength

Astaghfirullah.

So i guess, the biggest key to avoid

takbur and riya' is by simply walking

away. Talk less with them unless you're

sure you can control your patience.

Don't dumb yourself down (in front of

Allah) trying to knock some sense into

them.



You don't make any sense.

I tengah sakit perut, ade ulcer kat mulut dari last week tak baik-baik. Next week kena bayar fees but my PTPTN loan is still tak ade khabar berita. Definitely not a good time to mess with me at the office.

Pernah tak bercakap dengan orang yang tidak bijak tetapi cuba berlagak bijak dan tahu mengenai sesuatu perkara?

Lain dengan orang yang biasa. Kalau orang biasa, bila dalam satu kumpulan orang bercakap mengenai sesuatu perkara, bila dia tak paham dia akan tanya ataupun bagitau tak paham. Kalau jenis malu, dia diam saje. Tapi, orang lain bole bantu dia paham.

Selalunya saya diam saja tak respon. Sebab rasanya, orang macam ni tak tahu dia kelihatan bodoh. Dan macam mana kita terangkan hal sebenar pun, dia akan buat macam dia tau jugak.

Ah screw it.

I usually let them get away with it. Cuma ade separuh orang ni, bila kita let them get their way, dia ingat kita percaya apa dia cakap tu.

Let me give an example.

A: Kak, you beli kereta sama ngan I la. Bank mana eh? Interest brape ye skarang?

B: Bank bla bla. Interest 8% macam tu.

Terdiam. Malas nak sambung. Tapi dia sambung lagi.

B: U beli dengan bank mana?

A: Bank Islam. Ade promotion utk graduates masa tu. Zero downpayment.

B: Aah memang. Bank Islam senang bagi loan untuk STUDENT. Kalau student, senang approve.

A: Graduates la kak.

B: Ha ye la. Sekarang pun ade lagi promotion tu. Untuk student. Student senang la.

Dalam hati malas nak layan. Tapi geram. Pandai nye dia ni.

A: Kak, bukan student la. Orang lepas grad, yang baru keje.

B: Tak. Ni untuk student.

A: KAKAK, student mana boleh pinjam loan beli kereta. Mana nak dapat slip gaji? Scheme tu utk GRADUAN. Faham? Dan tak pernah saya dengar interest sampai 8%. Slalu plus minus 4% je kak.

Dia diam.

Situasi lain. Tajuk lain.

B: You kalau keje balik lambat tu boleh claim OT tau. Tuttt cakap dalam meeting hari tu.

A: Exec tak boleh la. Keje dalam plant bole la kot kalau shift.

B: Boleh. Encik tuttt bagitau. Kalau I balik lambat ke, I buat OT.

A: Executive memang tak boleh OT. Takde OT.

B: Pegi tanya Encik tutt skarang. I buat boleh la.

A: You bukan exec, memang la boleh. Level exec above tak boleh. Macam department I sume tak boleh.

I can’t help being revolted in situations like this. Tapi rasa bersalah. Berlagaknye aku ni Ya Allah. :(

Bersambung..

 

Is it sad?

Is it sad?
When people you know become people you knew.

Is it sad?
When you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life.

Is it sad?
When you used to be able to talk for hours and how now, you can barely even look at them.


WELL NOT REALLY.

ONCE YOU GET USED TO IT.

YOU'LL REALIZE THAT YOU NEVER NEEDED FRIENDS AS MUCH AS YOU THOUGHT.

AND THEY NEVER NEEDED YOU EITHER.

SO STOP MAKING IT A BIG DEAL.

AND MOVE ON.

cheers.

Wedding gifts dilemma. Always is, always will be?

As much as I hate being 25, more and more friends are getting married. And being genuinely happy for them, now I have to think for a perfect wedding present to give.

I often get confused by the thought of what to buy for the happy couple. Many countries already adopt gift registry concept where couples can register the gifts they want from a retailer. The list will be updated and items are removed as the items are purchased. The advantages in this concept is that the bride and groom get what they need, we don’t have to think this hard to come up with present which in the end might or might not be useful. Of course, it will come from varying prices so we can choose the present according to our budget. On first come, first serve basis of course.

Unfortunately this concept has not widely accepted here in Malaysia. Maybe in the year 2020. No, I’m not being sarcastic. At all.

I heard Isetan got this service. But not so popular. Don't know why.

What usually happens is that, I always wanted a personalize gift. Something memorable that will make a lasting thoughtful impression. But as the day comes and the level of my confusion supreme, I end buying any ‘object’ at the last minute.

But this time, for two of my important girl friends, I want a unique wedding gift for a change.

For mercy’s sake not one more kettle, toaster or mugs.

I’m dreading this. It is not mandatory you have to bring wedding gifts; it is only for the sake of customs. My dad will flip if he reads this. Customs are his way of life.

No offense for those people who prefer kettle, toaster and mugs.

Money could be a better choice, but again not personalized.

I was googling for ideas and they recommended these:

a)   Bed-and-bath: Towels, soaps, bath item dispensers, bath rugs, Linens, duvets.

b)   Kitchen: Spatulas and other small appliances.

c)   Lingerie: I love this the most! But not sure is it an appropriate gift? Crossing any line?

No? Ok. I’ll keep on thinking

Excuse me

While I choke myself.